A Message From My Heart

I want to be really clear about something: I never wanted to fight with the county or the shelter. I don’t see them as the enemy, and I don’t believe I’m the only person who cares about the dogs. There are good people on every side of this, people who show up every day because they want to help.

My only belief the one thing I’ve stood on from the beginning is that no dog deserves to be sitting in a shelter. Not mine, not anyone’s. Not when there are homes, fosters, and people willing to step up. That’s the part that hurts the most, because the dogs are the ones who pay the price when systems break down or communication fails. I’m not here to point fingers or create more conflict. I’m here because I care deeply about these animals and I want to be part of a solution that actually helps them. I want to work with people, not against them. I want to build something better, safer, and more sustainable so no dog ends up stuck in a place they don’t belong.

At the end of the day, we all want the same thing: for the dogs to be safe, cared for, and loved. That’s the only thing that matters to me, and that’s where I’ll keep putting my energy.

I know that things got a bit out of hand, like any other rescue and even shelter help was needed. Help was asked for and even though it was slow to come it came but at a cost.

I will not stand here and say that I know for a fact that the actions taken by the Sonoma County Animal Services was done with evil intentions in fact I believe that more than anything what has been my greatest downfall is the lack of communication and understanding. I have to believe that those at the shelter that submitted complaints truly believed that there were reasons to be concerned not that they just wanted to harm me or the dogs.

I am truly sorry for any and all action or spoken word that resulted in anyone having the thought that I was doing anything less than my best. Of course, there are certain things that point very strongly to challenge this belief but to say that those feeling are more than a personal opinion would not be fair or just.

I know that I can not save them all, not by myself. I know that saving animals is a community shared task and duty and the door to community was always open. I take responsibility for allowing for things like anxiety or a lack of knowledge to create barrios, for leaving feelings of confusion and I apologize.

I have always been a strong writer and communicator however I struggle with my delivery and presentation. I struggle with getting overstimulated and lacking confidence in myself.

I do not like conformation and my biggest fear is to be judged and sometimes I give into that fear before I even try.

When it comes to the dogs and the rescue I admit that I had no idea what to do when I started, all I knew was that dogs were dying, pets were getting lost in a system that treats them like inventory and lives all around the world were being completely and silently destroyed.

I volunteered to learn, I signed up for every career pathway I could find and I read everything I could get my hands on. I learned on my own and I built as I went along. slowly I started to gain help by those who saw what I was doing and who shared my vison.

Looking back there is no doubt that if I could go back and redo it from the start, I would have made sure that all my ducks were in a row before jumping in.

But life does not work like that, we can not go back and redo and despite what many people think I can not simple try again and try to do better. The loss of the 28 dogs in December 2025 shattered me and there is no coming back from that pain of knowing that I failed those dogs. they are not just numbers they are not just id tags they are all individuals all who I know by name and bark, all who I love and share strong bonds with, all who haunt my dreams every night because I made a promise to them and I failed I let them down and knowing that they had to spend even a single moment in a shelter knowing that their entire worlds was turned upside down because I was unable to withstand the attacks by the shelter and the town, because I was unable to move around the obstacles put in place fast enough I failed and in failing I let them down.

bella, weda, petunia, butter nickels nick alina newyt quinn butterscotch mia moo icy bronze mini dotty chance and pubert as well as the little babies I am so sorry I will forever carry the shame and the pain from losing you and for failing to protect you, I am sorry your whole world and lives came crashing down in a blink of an eye I am sorry you were scared and confused I am sorry you waited and I never came what makes this hurt so bad and why it has shattered me is because you will never know that I never abandoned you, you will never be able to understand why we went to sleep snuggled up warm together and woke up to being tossed into cages, why we never got to say goodbye or what goodbye even is knowing that the love and life we once shared will for some be forgotten for others what you wait for till your final days and for both you and I a hole in the heart that will never be able to get filled. I love you all my fur babies and I pray that you all find homes that will love you as I love you and that you never have to face this kind of trauma again.

Others that know and love the dogs people that either already had or who are willing to provide them with loving homes had been turned away and told that they can not just because they know me and are told they can’t be trusted to not give the dogs to me

1 I HAVE NOT BEEN GUILTY OF HARMING ANY ANIMAL

2 I WOULD NOT TAKE THE DOGS IN ONLY TO PUT THEM AT RISK OF BEING TAKEN AGAIN

3 THESE INDIVIDUALS DO ARE NOT DOING THIS FOR ME BUT FOR THE DOGS THEY KNOW AND LOVE

THE SONOMA COUNTY HUMANE SOCIETY IS NO DIFFERENT THAN ANY OF THE OTHERS WHO ARE OUT TO MONOPOLIZE THEY WOULD RATHER SEND THE DOGS TO MARIN HUMNANE WHERE THEIR TIME WILL BE LIMITED AND THEY WILL BE AT RISK OF BEING MURDERED FOR A LACK OF SPACE,